Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
