Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
