yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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