he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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