We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I just sharted jello shots
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