Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
