I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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