What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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