how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
