My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy