Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
