Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
