so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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