couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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