she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
