so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
