Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize