You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
