Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
