I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
