now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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