Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
