I think I died a long time ago.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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