Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize