You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you didnt know i had herpes?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
