hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
