they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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