just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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