i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I could make wine with my vomit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
