it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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