C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
