Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
