Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
