YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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