Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize