fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
