I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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