Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
