it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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