I CAN MOONWALK!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my shit smells like andre
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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