I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
