After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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