Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
