So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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