I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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