Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
