So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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