it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
