I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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