I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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