please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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