No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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