this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
