Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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