I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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