Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
