Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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