Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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