whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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