Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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