we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
