The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
